Dennis Kinsel, M.S. LPC-IT
August marks a transition from summer vacation to a new school year. Memories of lakes, summer camp, visits to family and open-ended days are about to be replaced with schoolwork, friends, sports, and new routines. Transitions can be both fun and challenging. Along with the excitement of returning to school and seeing old friends, there can be a dash of apprehension and anxiety, both for the students and parents. In addition to academic and social challenges, the issue of mental health looms large. Recent mass shootings have removed the notion of innocence and the veneer of safety once associated with sending children back to school. Many children experience existential fear as they practice safety drills at their schools. Suicide rates among adolescents and teens are at all-time highs. Modern drugs laced with fentanyl are an ever-present danger for children who get into a bad social group. As we face the reality of present-day American culture, it is paramount we take mental health seriously and adopt a preventative approach to avoid situations that compromise the lives and destiny of our children.
Recognizing a Problem
As humans, we experience life on a spectrum. Some days are going to be great, and some days are going to be a challenge. We are constantly influenced by a variety of both internal and external factors that influence how we feel and how we interact with our family, friends, and environment. When we pay attention to our bodies, we become aware when things are not feeling quite right, or something is out of sort. The same intuition that tells us we are having problems can also help us recognize when others are struggling. Our day-to-day interactions with our children and loved ones create a baseline for helping us decern when something is wrong. When something doesn’t feel right, we need to speak up and express our concern. Asking how someone is doing isn’t a violation of privacy or an attempt to control others’ lives, rather, it is an act of kindness and concern. Curiosity combined with compassion can be an open door that allows individuals to express their feelings and acknowledge struggles taking place in their lives.
Warning Signs
Sometimes intuition isn’t enough. We become engaged in the frantic pace of life and fail to notice the nuances of our own mental health let alone the mental health of others. In recognition of that reality, I have compiled several lists of behaviors that may indicate something is wrong. The lists are by no means exhaustive and are not necessarily a predictor of mental health problems. They are instead designed to cue our attention and prompt thoughtful, kind interaction.
Young Children:
Changes in overall mood
Persistent nightmares
Frequent temper tantrums
Excessive worry or anxiety
Persistent aggression
Changes in bathroom habits
Changes in school performance
Withdrawal from social contact
Fear of specific individuals
Sudden changes in personality or behavior
Adolescents and Teens:
Changes in eating and sleeping habits
Difficulty forming friends
Depressed mood with increased sleep and poor appetite
Isolation/withdrawal from social groups
Obsession with body image
Restricted eating
Over exercising
Thoughts of death
Unexplained outbursts of anger
Aimlessness
Defiance of authority, vandalism, and truancy
Poor school performance
Self harm
Use of alcohol and/or narcotics
Perhaps the single most important thing we can do to help our children is to listen. Create an environment where they can speak freely and know they will be heard and understood. Take time each day to ask how they are feeling and take what they say seriously. Support them in their difficulties and stay involved. Children need caring, loving parents for support and guidance. Try to see the world through their eyes. Problems that may seem trivial from an adult perspective, are not trivial to a child. Let them know you love them and will support them no matter what happens. Encourage learning and exploration of new interests. Establish good household routines that promote positive physical and mental health. As we know, Children and adults perform better when we adhere to regular, predictable, routines.
As adults, taking care of ourselves and our own mental health is important. We need to be healthy so we can help others. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
Talking to a significant other or friend about mental health can be difficult. We may be afraid of being labeled a meddler or fear a harsh rebuke. I urge you, don’t let fear rule the day. Be brave, bold, and compassionate. Showing someone you care is never a wasted effort. As always, lead with compassionate curiosity. Ask how they are feeling and let them know you are concerned. Make yourself available if they want to talk later. Having someone to turn to can be a life saver, literally.
Warning Signs for Adults:
Sudden changes in behavior
Excessive worry/anxiety
Depressed mood
Lack of purpose and meaning
Hopelessness
Self neglect
Isolation/withdrawal from social groups
Alcohol/substance abuse
Risky behavior
Uncontrolled anger
Physical aggression
Suicidal thoughts/self-harm
If you notice someone struggling with any of the above symptoms, say something. Your voice of concern may be the catalyst that prompts a friend or family member to seek help. We live in an area with a lot of mental health professionals who are eager to assist. Don’t be afraid to call. Addressing a problem early prevents it from becoming a big problem later.
If you suspect someone is suicidal, get help. Starting July 16, 2022, The National Suicide Hotline can be reached by dialing 988. If 988 is unavailable in your area, call 1-800-273-8255. The hotline is staffed 24 hours a day.
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